In 21st Century America many believe that all of our basic Civil Rights have finally been recognized. To mention a few: freedom of speech and religion, personal liberty, equal treatment for all peoples, including those people of color. All foundations of a healthy society, right?
………But what about the security of a family, the right of parents to raise and nurture their own children?
When my son was born I’d never given a thought about Family Rights. I initially had a two-parent family. None of my friends (that I knew of) had been in a custody battle. I assumed I’d be able to share the same love and attention to my son as many parents do with their own children. The painful experience of a estranged separation taught me that I was very, very wrong.
I discovered, as have many parents, that if my relationship with my child is challenged by a former spouse or even a social worker, my child and I have no right to one another. A trial may occur, but there will be no jury of my peers. A lone judge will decide what’s in the “best interest” of my child, not according to the law, but according to the judge. This could include limited or no contact with a loving parent for an entire childhood and it almost did.
I’ve come to believe we have a Civil Right to be presumed FIT & EQUAL parents to our children, unless you are convicted in a criminal court of being a demonstrated threat to your kids. Good, average, and poor parents are all FIT & EQUAL parents.
Why? Because one foundation of morality is the supremacy of individual conscience – what many know as “let your conscience be your guide.” What more natural obligation does any parent have than to care for their own kids? To be present in their lives in the many roles that only a parent can fill.
A second precept says any law which stops us from acting according to a “well-formed” conscience is immoral. Is it any wonder parents and children unjustly separated find it one of the most painful and disruptive experiences of their lives?
Why it is difficult to compare this concept to Civil Rights(?);
What would you find more disturbing: being told to sit in the back of the bus, not being allowed to vote, or ordered that you could no longer be a integral part of your child’s life, the child you helped bring into this world?
Fit parents should decide what’s in the best interest of their child, EQUALLY. Some think a distinction should be made between good, average, and poor parents. But how can we make such a single complex determination in a multifaceted and dynamic relationship? Like most of us I have mixed feelings about the span of time my endangered youth chose for me. The times I knew I had made mistakes, times when I would have preferred to have a father….a mother. I would have loved to have seen our relationships change, mature even, and to have grown closer together as a family, through the good times and bad.
Only the ‘bad parent’ should be excluded, one who threatens the safety of their child with mal-intent. The one who threatens to take the child out of the nurturing environment of TWO parents equally and fairly sharing the love and responsibility of raising that child. In such cases society justly (sic) intervenes for those who seek to destroy the relationship. There would be no potential for growth. Such serious crimes would be prosecuted in a criminal court. However, this is far from the reality in today’s world.
In my ‘utopian view’, in the vast majority of cases parents would be free to establish parenting time as they desire. While negotiating a custom schedule, a default standard would alternate physical custody on a weekly basis. Both parents would share legal custody and would alternate “tie-breaker” authority on an annual basis. In such instances, there would be no need for child support, nor the ‘system’ to establish their cut of the pie.
But what would all this mean you ask?
A single judge acting alone could not issue an order that destroys a family. The animosity and terrible waste of resources that goes into Family Court battles about which parent is “better” would be eliminated. Mediation services would be more effective when dealing with parents who are truly treated on equal ground. Children would benefit from regular contact with both parents. Community resources could be better focused on identifying and prosecuting the scarcely few bad parents that exist and protect children.
If we look through our history, the recognition of basic Civil Rights has resulted in some disruption and change — but overall they have strengthened our society. Our nation has seen an explosion of well-intentioned Family Law in the last 40 years, that which has primarily fallen on deaf ears. It is now time for a Federal Family Rights Act that will finally EQUALLY AND FAIRLY recognize and protect both parents ability to raise and nurture our own children and for the whole family to be united just as it has always been throughout time……….even during adult separations.
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